44 Inviting Arkansas

In the Spotlight A Breast Cancer Journey

Open Mind, Strong Body, Beautiful Soul

by Coco Dorsey September 17, 2008

October 31, 2006 - Found the lump - 6:30 AM Taking a shower. A busy day ahead: it's Halloween! My kids are so excited about all the activity. Drew is 10, Lilly 4, and Reece is 2. I feel something. Hard like an almond in its shell. What the hell? I start to panic-it won't go away. There is something not normal inside of me. It is right next to my armpit-in my breast! You have to be kidding me! I yelled for my husband, Keith. He doesn't respond. I jumped out of the shower and ran into my bedroom where he was dressing Reece in his Dracula costume. He felt what I knew was there and denied the possibility that both of us knew was awaiting us. This has to be a dream, a nightmare that will jar me from my sleep. Right? I am a 33 year old busy, working mother of three. I attend PTO meetings and plan fall festivals and Christmas parties for my kids' classes, go on dates with my husband, do lunch with mom and work with our family business. I don't have time for this crap! Everything should be fine. Right? I called Blake McGowan, my best friend and family doctor. He told me he wouldn't feel it, wouldn't touch it. I became angry. Why in the hell won't Blake help me? I need him to tell me I'm fine. It's just a cyst-probably from drinking too much caffeine. After all, my mom has those. Blake is avoiding me and my "cyst.? Urgh! I am terribly frustrated. Photography by Nancy Nolan Makeup by Augusta Andrews/B. Barnett I called Dr. Harrison next. I had trusted this deeply caring and empathetic gynecologist to deliver all three of my children. He is a man with great respect, responsibility and dedication to me and all of his patients. He could squeeze me in the next afternoon. That makes me feel better. I knew Dr. H would come up with a game plan. It was going to be ok. I still felt sick to my stomach, but much more at ease. I remained silent the rest of the day. God this cannot happen to me. November 1, 2006 - meeting with Dr. Harrison I had my appointment with Dr. Harrison at 1 p.m. He felt my lump and didn't like it. He took me in his office and called the St. Vincent Breast Imaging Center and made the earliest appointment possible. They could see me on Friday. November 3, 2006 - first mammogram and diagnostic mammogram Why does everyone make a big deal out of this? It's a little uncomfortable, sure, but just not a biggie. My technician was nice and made me feel at ease. Dr. Harrison was to call me when he got the results. Oddly, they come to me that afternoon. The news wasn't good -it wasn't good at all. Oh God! Dr. Harrison called his friend and general surgeon, Dr. Virgil Lyons, up to his office to look at the films of my breasts. My invaded, otherwise healthy body had absolutely no idea what it was getting ready to endure. This was just the beginning of horrible things (and phenomenal changes) to come. November 16, 2006 - Excision of breast tissue - margins positive - diagnosed with breast cancer I was scared and nervous. I liked Dr. Lyons and felt great confidence in him, but this was only the 2nd time in my 33 years that I had been put to sleep under general anesthesia. I was terrified. They put you on a cold gurney and tear you away from your loved ones. You're wheeled away into a frigid, bright, sterile room with complete strangers who are covered in paper, masks, and gloves. Ugh! This was just the first operating room I would be visiting in the next year and a half. I just thought being put to sleep was the agonizing part of this day. Little did I know that when I woke up to Dr. Lyons at my toes, my life as I knew it was over! He told me that it was "an awful, ugly, terrible looking tumor.? There it was, the truth. I had a malignant monster in my left breast. My thoughts rushed to my husband, my parents, my family and friends that were in the waiting room. Oh God - they didn't know yet. They didn't know I had cancer. And my kids? How in the hell do I tell my kids that I have cancer. How do I look at Keith. My mom? Oh damn, and what do I say to my father? How does daddy's little girl tell the first love of her life that she has cancer? The panic and anxiety were immense. The following few hours have been erased in my memory. But that next night, while resting at home in my bed surrounded by family and friends was the next transition in cancer diagnosis - the moment of true, definitive, positive results from the pathologist presented to me by none other than my "nslp? (non sexual life partner), Dr. Blake McGowan. The anguish was written all over his face and his sweet, gentle hands trembled as they embraced mine. He had to be the bearer of the news. Blake told of the trying future I was going to face. My cell phone rang. It was a number I didn't recognize but would eventually end up on my speed dial. It was a call from my soon-to-be martyr of sorts, most commonly referred to as an oncologist. My oncologist, Dr. Brad Baltz. Blake had taken the liberty of calling Brad and informing him of my pathology results and my "case.? Dr. Baltz had me scheduled for a full set of scans the next morning. I was to be at his office at 7:30. I have cancer. Everything is happening so quickly! This was the first time in the past 24 hours that I realized that this disease could have metastasized. The cancer could have spread and the next 24 hours would end up being the most tedious, trying, emotional, frightening hours of my life- for me and my family. Somebody in the room gave me a Valium and put me to sleep. November 17, 2006 - First set of scans - CT, bone scan, MRI, chest x-ray: First visit with Brad Baltz I arrived at Hematology Oncology Services of Arkansas (HOSA) at my scheduled time. I paused as I opened the door to the office. Surely this isn't the right place. I looked up at Keith with tears welling up in my eyes. I was the patient here at the oncology clinic. How did I get here? The woman at the counter, Belinda, was a comforting soul. She could see the sheer fear and desperation on my face. She led me to the lab to an equally comforting lab technician named Marvin. He hooked up my I.V. and sent me on my way. God put them there for a reason. I had absolutely no idea at that moment how much a significant part God, Belinda, or Marvin would play in the success of my treatment. I scurried off to Pro-Scan for my tests. I endured countless hours of CT scans, MRIs, bone scans, chest x-rays. I had to return to HOSA at 5:30 to meet with the doctor. I returned that evening to Dr. Baltz's office only to find Blake and Patrick Schueck, a two-time cancer survivor and dear friend. Just who I needed to see at that moment - I needed the comfort, knowledge, support of someone who had done all of this before, a patient. Dr. Baltz informed us that the cancer had not spread to any of the organs or bones. Thank you, Lord! I pledged to all the men in that room that "I will do whatever it

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